A Coachee's Guide to..., coaching, Self-reflection

How do you know when to end coaching?

This is a really difficult one, but just like other parts of life most coaching partnerships need to end eventually. But how do you know when that is?

Sometimes, it’s clear in the sense that the coaching was aimed at a very particular challenge or issue and the coachee has reached their goal, made progress or at least done enough new thinking to be able to move forward.

Often however, coaching that started out being about one thing, ended up being about something else, and that evolves and needs longer to think about. People who come to coaching because they have reached something of a crisis point often spend some sessions “downloading” their thoughts about their current situation before being able to look at alternatives and options. This can extend the coaching process but is very valuable. However if the thinking doesn’t at some point move on, this can be a signal that something different is needed and that this particular coaching arrangement has run its course. It’s really difficult to raise this as a coach if you know that your client doesn’t talk about the issues anywhere else, but if you are aiming to be useful to your clients, it’s a conversation that has to be had.

As a coach, I generally suggest a minimum of three sessions with clients unless there is a very specific objective for the coaching. This is because there is usually a session where we clarify what the goal is for the coaching and assess the reality of the current situation. The other two sessions are usually used for considering options in different ways and identifying strategies for next steps. Sometimes clients will book 6 sessions to either explore more deeply, or possibly consider 2 or more different challenges. I’ve been working with a couple of clients for nearly a year – but sessions are perhaps less frequent than the shorter term partnerships I’ve been involved in. Perhaps my most fulfilling way of working is when someone does perhaps 3 sessions initially and then several months later comes back for a top-up session to explore what’s happened on their issue.

There’s no set time to think about ending or changing coach but some things clients might want to consider include:

  • Am I using my coach as a general listener and are they the best person to do this?
  • Are the sessions still useful – do they leave me with different thoughts and reflections about my challenges? Or am I stuck in the same thought processes – in which case a different coach might approach things differently and lead to new insights.
  • Would a different professional be more useful e.g. a counsellor, therapist, or mentor?

Most coaches are not, contrary to what you might read in some places, trying to keep clients booking more and more sessions in order to make more income. I have no doubt that there are some coaches who do that, but for me, if the usefulness has ended, then that’s the time to end the coaching. At least for a while.

Just like other endings though, it’s important to end the coaching relationship well. This doesn’t always happen – sometimes people drift away and stop responding to emails, and sometimes it can quickly turn into months since you have heard from someone. This isn’t always a problem so long as it’s agreed that a pause is consciously happening – things come up that mean that someone isn’t in the right place to continue coaching for the time being. Generally I’ll reach out to someone a few times and then try to let them go if they don’t respond. When I do get a chance to work with the client on a proper ending, we’ll look at what’s been achieved so far and plan the next steps. I’ll make it clear how to get in touch with me in the future and I’ll usually ask the client if they want to be kept briefed on offers and updates via email. It’s absolutely fine if not, but some people do.

And then I close the file mentally and physically and wish them well.