coaching topics, Work-life balance

Balance or blend?

Work-life balance, juggling roles and responsibilities at work, at home and in the community are topics that often crop up in coaching conversations. Many times they are not the original focus of the coaching, but because I coach the whole person we tend to at least spend some time talking about how work and life fit together. What follows is a slightly modified version of a 2016 post from my blog elliehighwood.com when I was reflecting on my own situation. 

Life may not be a box of chocolates, but could it be a cup of tea?

tea2

The term “work-life” balance is much used and much-discussed. Many surveys and magazine articles discuss whether your “work-life balance” is as you want it to be. In Athena SWAN applications (gender charter mark for universities and research institutes run by the Equality Challenge Unit) we are asked to discuss how the University is supporting “work-life balance”. Typically we talk about core hours, nursery care, and any family friendly policies we have.

However, many people object to the term “work-life balance” itself, and I can see why. Balance implies the two things are playing against each other… increase attention on one and the other must pay. How meaningful is it to imply that we are only alive outside of work? Many people are at least partially defined by the work that they do, or by their actions at work. Others are predominantly driven by the work that they do… and the term work-life balance somehow suggests that these people should “get a life”.

The alternative term work-life blend has been around for a while. The thinking behind the term is that in the modern world, with new technology etc, then for many people it is entirely possible to take care of some work things from home and some home things from work. Of course this isn’t possible for all roles… particularly those in the front line service industries, and manufacturing. The other reason for adopting this term is also that it removes the negative connotations of “balance”. With a “work-life blend” a much more diverse set of existences seems possible, all equally valid, and things are not in tension with one another in the same way (there are however only a limited number of hours in the day and therefore there must remain some tension!). More recently “work-life integration” has started to be used – I am still thinking about what this means for me. 

I have previously been rather resistant to the word “blend”. Perhaps it’s because I was thinking about it in terms of paint… if you mix lots of different paint colours together you inevitably end up with a murky mess that isn’t particularly enticing. I also worry that it means never being “off duty” from work, and I at least need to give my mind and body a change of scenery sometimes and find it hard enough to be properly “present” at times outside work as it is.

However, I might be changing my mind.  In 2016 the University of Reading Edith Morley lecture was given by Karen Blackett, OBE, CEO of media.com. She spoke about having “banned” the term “work-life balance” in her company, using instead, “work-life blend”. Uh-oh, I thought. I’m not sure I can buy that. But then Karen talked about having 6 well defined and non-negotiable strands to your blend, for example fulfilment at work, effective parenting, and such like, and using this to discuss your working practices with managers etc.

And this morning I thought of a new description for “blend”  – a careful combination of different ingredients that are not subsumed by each other but together make up something delicious and supporting. In other words…  my favorite English Breakfast tea!

 

 

 

Coaching case studies, Imposter syndrome

Imposter Syndrome

Many of my coaching clients want to talk about their confidence to carry out their role. They use phrases such as “I’m a fraud”, “I’m going to be found out” – which tells me that they are troubled by “imposter syndrome” as well as possibly a lack of confidence.

Imposter syndrome is something I know only too well, being a sufferer myself. Certain situations trigger the “soon someone will find out I don’t know what I am doing” thoughts which can rapidly turn into a spiral into the darkest regions of my brain. In general, these feelings are totally unfounded in reality. For me, the trigger was around my capability as an academic researcher – despite dozens of publications in learned journals, winning millions of pounds of funding, and attracting PhD students and researchers to work in my team. All the evidence is there to suggest I am not (or at least was not – given my change in career) an imposter. But there is nothing rational about imposter syndrome – even those at the top of their field, like Katerina Johnson Thompson – world beating heptathlon are vulnerable. Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein also made reference to feeling like they were “going to be found out” or were ” a swindler”.

In fact, imposter syndrome affects people of all ages, all backgrounds, all roles and professions. If you have the courage to talk about it, you will probably find that firstly, people will be amazed that you, yes you, have those thoughts, and secondly that many people you know will also be sufferers. This can in itself be reassuring, but may not be enough to stop the imposter voice preventing you from applying for that promotion, taking that opportunity or having the confidence to do your role your way.

The good news is that whilst imposter syndrome may never go away entirely, it is possible to quieten it down – with practice. A client recently sent me a list of 10 imposter syndrome statements that were playing on a repeat loop. In our session, she picked the one that was the loudest at the time “I’m not the sort of person people want to collaborate with”, and then we spent 30 mins looking at half a sentence. First she identified the trigger situations for the voice to become amplified. Then she came up with the counter-evidence to her unhelpful thoughts – in this case a long list of people  – 2 sides of A4 – who did already work with her or who wanted to work with her, and counter-examples of how those people had come to work with her. Actually writing it down is key here – we needed to get the evidence out in the daylight where the “imposter” voice couldn’t ignore it’s presence. She then came up with a more helpful phrase “There are many people nationally and internationally, at all career stages, who I already work with and who want to continue working with me”.

This type of coaching, replacing an unhelpful belief with a more helpful one, is based in Cognitive Behavioral Coaching. It is perfectly possible to coach yourself in this way once you know the technique, but many people, myself included, find that it is easier to quieten that voice and find the evidence with the support of a coach.

If you’d like to learn more about imposter sydrome, there are some excellent Ted Talks by Elizabeth Cox and Valerie Young.

And if you’d like to work with me to learn how to manage your imposter syndrome – get in touch!

 

coaching, Inspiration

Thinking

henley_rowing
Rowers emerging from the early morning mist on the Thames near Henley Business College. Photo by Ellie Highwood, February 2019

It is often difficult to find the time to think properly.  It can feel like a luxury when there is so much going on in our lives. Some people use journal writing, others art, or music. Coaching is about giving you the time and space to do your best thinking. Your thoughts about your issues will always be the most useful and illuminating. Like these rowers emerging from the early morning mist, coaching can help your thoughts come into the sunshine, where you can use them to move you onwards towards your destination. 

Here are a few of my favorite quotes about thinking that resonate for me in the context of coaching:

“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking” – Voltaire

“Thinking: the talking of the soul with itself” – Plato

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it” Henry Ford

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” – William Shakespeare

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking” – Marcus Aurelius

“Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers” – Isaac Asimov

Please get in touch if you would like to try coaching as a way of thinking things through. No decision or challenge is too big or too small.

Ellie